Ace in the Hole
by Yumeko1
Summary: Ace Rimmer visits Red Dwarf...with a special guest.


~I~

Fire, blazing around her. Everywhere she turned, huge tongues of flame were licking out at her, but she knew she couldn't leave. Not until she found... Somewhere in the flames, she could hear crying. 

"Melissa? Melissa?" She called out into the flame, and was answered with a frightened wail. Running toward the flame only resulted in her being knocked backwards onto a fragile bit of wood that had once been the floor. It gave way with a crack, and she fell halfway through the gaping hole. Squirming around, she tried to free herself and get back to the crying child. Her foot moved the exact wrong way, and the rest of the floor gave way, sending her tumbling into the basement. She landed on the concrete floor with a painful thud, and shook her head. It took everything she had to drag herself up from the floor and start up the stairs to the living room again. All of a sudden, she began to cough as the smoke infiltrated her lungs. She fought to keep conscious, and continued to travel toward the cries, which had since become panicked. It wasn't working out as she had planned, and her vision began to fog up. She sank down onto the cool stairs, reaching out a hand to try and grab the railing and pull herself back up, but she had fallen backward into the darkness before her hand could grasp it. 

As she lay on the floor, unable to move and filled with an unbearable tiredness, a pair of leather boots moved into her frame of vision, and before she knew it, she was being lifted up and out of the basement. She tried to speak, but her throat wouldn't respond to her wishes. Her eyes managed to clear for a moment, and she was able to catch a glimpse of blond-brown hair before she blanked out.

The War had started off innocuously enough, with the usual nations arguing over the last of the clean water supply. The process of recycling and producing water in labs was nearly a century away, and of course the Americans had thought they had a right to the water, as did the Germans, Japanese, British, etc. However, it was the Chinese who had the highest population, and they had resorted to methods involving a giant siphon hose and a helicopter. The rest of the world had found out, thanks to a satellite that the FBI and KGB steadfastly denied the existance of, even as it broadcast the news to the world. And so The War had started. 

It was definitely one of the worst wars ever, because there were no allies. Instead of one round of bombing, there could be several in any given hour of the day. One minute it could be the German fighters, the next, Canadians, and then they could always get into a dogfight, sending dead plane bits flying into houses and such. 

On such a day, the Indian planes had been flying over England, preparing themselves for the closest thing to a surprise attack they could imagine. The British planes had been preparing themselves for a counterstrike, having found out about the Indians' plans by way of double agents. Today, however, the Queen's Royal Flying Corps felt particularly lucky, for flying with their number was the world famous Ace Rimmer. He was the poster boy for what all the young pilots wanted to be; cool, confident, talented and handsome. No one was quite sure where he'd come from, but they were all glad he wasn't on the other side. 

From out of nowhere, the Indians had attacked, sending rains of ammunition towards the British planes. The boys dodged as best they could, sending fire back toward the Indian jets, but there were always the usual number of planes going down. 

In the cockpit of one of those planes that were going down, a young man named Thomas Oliver's eject mechanism was not firing properly. He pushed at the button, but it wouldn't release. The harder he hit the button, it seemed the more it stuck. Almost in despair, he kicked the radio, and a voice crackled through the static.

"Tommy! Is something wrong, laddo? Eject!"

"I can't, sir! The mechanism seems to be stuck!" He sounded frustrated, and the voice came through, sounding calm as ever.

"Don't worry, I'll be over there momentarily! Just stay with me, boy!" The voice crackled out, and Thomas Oliver felt a great sense of relief. Ace was known for never leaving behind a fellow pilot in distress. A moment later, a plane was in a nosedive next to his. Ace's face was in the window, and he gave Thomas the thumbs-up as he opened the canopy and flew up right alongside him. "Grab my hand!"

"There's only room in your cockpit for one!"

"I know! We're switching places!" He grabbed the boy, who couldn't have been more than eighteen's wrist, not allowing him to escape.

"We're what?" Before he knew what had happened, he had somehow managed to be in Ace's plane, and Ace in his smoldering wreck. He was still grinning.

"Just pull up on the stick!" He waved and closed the canopy as the plane continued its rapid descent toward the ground. Thomas grabbed the mike.

"But sir! If you hit the ground at that speed, you'll most surely die!" He pulled up on the stick, leveling the plane out. Ace's laughter crackled through the speaker.

"No need to worry about that!" Static began to crowd his voice from the speaker, and Thomas watched the plane plummet to the ground. The speaker crackled to life once more as the plane flamed its way toward a rather small house. "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!" The speaker died as the plane connected with the side of the building, giving rise to a giant fireball. Thomas wiped a tear from his eye.

"What a guy!"

Sarah Morgan opened her eyes, not quite knowing where she was, only that her lungs hurt. There was a great quantity of smoke coming from the house behind her, and it was only a moment later that she realized it had been her house. She gasped and ran toward the burning house, but a pair of hands reached out and held her back. Sarah whipped her head around to see a rather tall man in a flight suit shaking his head at her.

"I don't think that would be such a good idea."

"Melissa! She's in there and I..." He was quite pleasantly surprised to find that she tried valiently to break away from him, even going so far as to attempt to bite his arm. However, Sarah realized that he was stronger, and went limp in his arms as the magnitude of the situation hit her when the house collapsed. She slipped through his arms as she collapsed onto her knees on the ground. The man knelt next to her, being of a sympathetic nature. Sarah stared at the burning house. "What do I do now?"

"It would probably be best if you let me buy you a drink." He helped her up, and Sarah nodded slowly, as if through water. She followed him to a waiting car, and climbed into the passenger seat. "What was your name?"

"Sarah," she said softly. "Sarah Morgan." She looked up at him, recognizing the darkish blonde hair from when she had been carried from her house. He extended a hand to her, which she shook.

"Ace Rimmer. Pleasure to meet you." 

Under normal circumstances, Ace would have bought her a few drinks and invited her back to his place, in which situation she would most likely have agreed. This particular night, though, the part of him which was still Arnold Judas Rimmer had the bad taste to invite her back to his place anyways. Sarah had stared at him for a moment, almost in disbelief, and the part of him that was Ace had the sense to save his butt again.

"I meant since you don't have a place to stay."

"Oh," she said. "I didn't think about that. I guess I just thought I'd wake up and be home again." She drained her glass. "In that case, sure."

"Great!" Ace looked at her as she stood up from the table. She wasn't at all bad looking. She was about 5'3, and her shoulder length hair was a shiny dark brown. She obviously hadn't been expecting her house to burn down, as she was wearing a plain white t-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts. Ace suddenly felt very guilty.

"I suppose it's fortunate you're a pilot, so you can just take me with you to work." She wandered towards his car, and Ace looked oddly at her. "I work at the base," she clarified, seeing the look on his face. Ace drove off into the night, and they soon came to his place. Sarah sighed deeply as she departed the vehicle. "Something the matter?"

"If only I'd gone to work today instead of laying about the house..." She shook her head, deciding not to talk about it. "By the way, thanks for saving my life."

"Not a problem. Always glad to help a lady." Ace punctuated his sentance by dipping her back and giving her a very long kiss. Somewhere in the depths of his mind, Rimmer had convinced him that no woman could resist a kiss from someone as great as Ace. Sarah was kind enough to prove him wrong.

*THWACK*

Her hand made a resounding noise as it struck his cheek and she stalked off into another room. Ace rubbed his cheek.

"First bloody time that's ever happened," he said in admiration.

~II~

When the blue alert sounded, Kochanski was doing a crossword in her old sleeping quarters. She had been forced to get used to life back on Red Dwarf, after being forced to get used to life on Starbug. Although she was glad to be able to move around the old ship, it felt lonely. Reeeally lonely. And there wasn't much to do. With Holly around, a ship the size of a city pretty much flies itself, and she had gotten used to dodging meteor storms and asteroid belts and giant flaming meteorites. Seemed like the adventure had gone out of life, and she was stuck with a crossword book she had found in one of the sleeping quarters. Still worse was the fact that most of the puzzles weren't even finished, but had just been halfway filled up in someone's annoyingly neat handwriting. She was trying to figure out a ten letter word for brown-noser when the blue light in her corner started to blink, and Holly's face appeared on the wall screen.

"What's going on, Hol?"

"It's a blue alert situation. Please report to the drive room."

"You're a lot of help, Hol." She set down her crossword and reported to the drive room as directed, wondering what was happening this time.

Not twenty minutes had passed, but in that short span of time, an asteroid belt had quite suddenly popped up and pelted the ship, a tall can of lager had spilled in slow motion down the control panel of the Navi-Comp, and sparks had flown, causing relations upon Red Dwarf to become stilted, and no one in the drive room spoke as Lister looked from face to face in the room, shrugging.

"What can I say? I'm sorry!" He looked around the room. "It'll wash off! I've spilled a million beers down the control panel before." He sounded quite hurt that no one believed him, and Kochanski folded her arms.

"I'm more upset with the fact that you've once again screwed up my chances of getting back to my own dimension, where people have the sense not to set their open beer cans on the Navi-Comp!" She got up and stalked out of the room. The cat leaned over toward Lister.

"The next time you plan on leaving things open around the room before we hit an asteroid belt, you better warn me, buddy! Do you know what it takes to get that beer smell out of genuine simluated leatherette lining?" He looked at Lister, who shook his head. "Neither do I!" The Cat said, stalking out the same way Kochanski had. Lister sighed as he sat alone in the drive room with Kryten, who had pulled a mop out of nowhere and was cleaning the floor.

The crew had been back on Red Dwarf about four months, and Kochanski was still determined to get back to her own dimension. After hearing about nothing but 'her Dave' constantly when they were on Starbug, and even when they were back on Red Dwarf, he was almost ready to dump her on the first asteroid he could find. Still, no matter how she acted, she was Kochanski. And now she was mad.

"What did I do wrong? The readings on the screen showed that there was definite trans-dimensional activity happening around here. I was sure this time!" He dropped his head into his hands, and Kryten tried to comfort him.

"There, there Mr. Lister, sir. I know how much you want to get rid of her. God, do I know how much you want to get rid of her. But sitting around the drive room won't do you any good. Why don't you grab a sponge and help me out?"

"No thanks, Kryt. I'll just go and..." He looked back at the screen. "Look! There it is! That same pattern on the screen!"

"Oh! I see how you could have been mistaken, sir. A dimensional rip looks more jagged and elongated, whereas _that_ is a smooth elongated pattern." He laughed, and Lister looked at him, confused.

"So...?"

"That is the pattern made by Mr. Ace's jump ship." He sounded perfectly calm, and Lister looked up as Kryten walked out of the room.

"He what?" Lister looked at the scanner and saw that it was indeed Ace's jump ship that was coming through the pattern. "Smeggin' Hell!" The screen beeped, indicating that they had a message. Lister punched it up, and Ace's image appeared on the screen. 

"Davey boy! Open up the bay doors!" He was grinning, and Lister hurried to open the doors. He shook his head, then turned on the bay monitors just as the jump ship landed. Ace climbed out of the cockpit and waved to where he knew the camera was. "Open up the airlock and let us in!"

"Us?" Lister halted in his steps as he took notice of a second, smaller figure climbing out of the cockpit. They both walked over to the airlock and Lister punched in the numbers. The doors slid open, and the two figures stepped into the drive room. "Who the smeg is this?" Lister asked as Ace pulled off his helmet.

"Good to see you, too. Just give me a chance to explain." He looked back as Sarah Morgan shook her hair, which was pulled into a ponytail, out from under her helmet and grinned at Lister.

"Hi."

"Davey, this is Sarah Morgan. Sarah, this is Dave Lister." He patted her on the back, and Sarah extended a hand to Lister, who shook it, looking confused.

"Nice to meet you, Dave."

While Lister and Ace were talking, Sarah had slipped out and into the ship. She looked around in wonder as she walked slowly down the hall. In her dimensional travels since she had joined up with Ace, she had seen some interesting places, things that she never thought she would see, places she had never thought she could visit. But this place felt different somehow. It was odd. The halls were painted a shade of gray that defied description, and she frowned. This ship was huge. Why was it so empty? And which dimension were they in now? Ace hadn't said much when she asked him which direction they were going. 

Sarah was so deep in thought, she didn't notice the footsteps coming up behind her. When Kochanski tapped her on the shoulder, she shrieked and whirled around, pulling out something that looked like a small handgun. Kochanski threw her hands up.

"Don't shoot!"

"You scared me to death," Sarah said, slipping the gun back into her side holster pocket. "When you've seen as much as I have, you learn to be quick."

"Quick? I didn't even see you take it out of the holster." Kochanski exhaled. "Who are you, anyways?"

"Sarah Morgan. You might I came in with the breeze." She extended a hand, and Kochanski shook it. "And you are?"

"Kristine Kochanski. What's this about coming in with the breeze?" She walked with Sarah, leading her towards her sleeping quarters. 

"Oh, I say that all the time. It's nearly automatic now. But since Ace and this Dave Lister seem to know one another, I guess you're used to people from strange dimensions popping in and out all the time." She shrugged as they walked in the doorway and Kochanski offered her a chair. 

"Yeah, I'm from one of those myself." She offered her a Coke. "Ace? Wasn't he a part of the crew who left? I thought his name was Rimmer." Sarah accepted the Coke.

"That's his last name." She sipped at the drink and yawned slightly as Kochanski pulled up a second chair.

"I'm intrigued. How did you end up traveling with who Dave calls 'the Biggest Smeghead in the known universe'?" Kochanski was amused as Sarah gave her a look that Kochanski took to mean that she hadn't discovered his smeggier qualities.

"Well, since I'm not sure what a 'smeghead' is, I'll avoid that bit and start with the how did I end up traveling with him." She unzipped her flight suit halfway to let in the breeze. "Much better. It started with the War, actually. My mother and father were killed when it first started, along with my sister and her husband. They had a daughter named Melissa, who I was taking care of. I called her Missy, y'know. We didn't have any other family to take care of her, so I did the best I could. She was really a cute kid, you know. She had this blonde, curly hair, and these green eyes...everyone in my dad's side of the family had these bright green eyes. Not even two years old, but whip-smart. Usually, I had my friend Lily take her when I was at work, but I tried to stay home at least two days a week with her. I really picked the wrong day to stay home, I guess." She smiled sadly, and Kochanski thought she should probably go for her Kleenex. 

"You don't have to finish if it's too painful."

"I'm okay. We had just finished lunch, actually. She had a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, and she was stuffed. I was watching tv on the couch, and she was playing with her dolls. I reached over to her, and she climbed up on the couch and snuggled up with me. She was like, right on the verge of sleep." Sarah's eyes were clouding up with tears as she remembered. Kochanski was leaning forward, dying to hear what came next, but also afraid to hear what came next. "I was singing her a Japanese song I learned in college, and I kept stroking her hair until she fell asleep. Not too long after that, I fell asleep too." Unbeknownst to Sarah, tears were streaming down her face. Kochanski handed her a Kleenex, which she refused. "I was dreaming about being on the beach. It was so hot, and I was having fun, but Melissa was crying and crying. I reached out to hold her, but..." She shook her head. "She was gone. I tried to find her, to save her, but the floor caved in, and I fell into the basement. As I was trying to get back to her, I passed out. The next thing I remember, Ace was standing over me." She finally accepted the Kleenex, but didn't wipe the tears from her eyes.

"She feels really guilty about the whole thing," Ace said, sitting on the drive console. "Sarah seems to think she failed her niece in some way, by not saving her." He shook his head.

"But why's she with you?"

"Begging and pleading, mostly. Besides, she didn't have anywhere else to go." He laughed casually, and Lister nodded. "We took a wrong turn at the Kimpuri Dimensional Rift and ended up in the dimension next to this one, so I thought we'd drop in and say hi."

"You make it sound like you were cruising the neighborhood." He shook his head as he laughed. "I can't talk to you like this. Take off that stupid wig, please?" He picked up his half-spilled flat beer can from the Navi-Comp and took a sip.

"Can't. Sarah might come in and see me. And we can't have that happening."

"Why's that?"

"Sarah doesn't know I'm not the real Ace Rimmer. She doesn't even know I'm a hologram." He grinned sickly, and Lister sat forward in his swively seat.

"She what? You mean you've been traveling around together for God knows how long, and she doesn't know you're dead? You mean you have to wear that wig all the time?" He looked amazed as Ace nodded. "Even in the shower?"

"Keeping it on when we're making love's the hardest part."

"I didn't need to hear that. Can you at least talk in your normal voice?" Lister rubbed his forehead, and Ace agreed.

"Sure. But she almost didn't want to come with me. She was a little worried about the whole dimension jumping thing." He smiled. "But she made it in the end."

"I thought you said she was begging and pleading to go with you?" Lister held his beer can upside down, and the last drop fell onto his face. He wiped it off his nose and sucked on his finger while Ace smiled.

"I just said there was begging and pleading. I didn't say on whose part." He stood up as Lister motioned him toward the sleeping quarters for another beer.

"So the great Ace Rimmer finally met his match?" Lister grinned as he popped open a second can of beer, then tossed one to Ace.

"What can I say? She's the only woman in history to have ever resisted a kiss from Ace Rimmer." He popped open the beer, and Lister looked surprised.

"A record breaker, 'ay?"

"She slapped me."

"You've always did know how to pick 'em, Rimmer."

"He's hiding something," Sarah said, propping her feet on the table. "I don't know what it is, but when we came here, I asked him where we were going, and he suddenly went silent on me."

"What on earth could a boring dead guy turned adventurer possibly have to hide?" Kochanski wondered, and Sarah pulled her feet off the table and sat forward, having heard something very new to her.

"What do you mean, 'dead guy?'"

~III~

"Ace? Could I speak to you for a just a moment, please?" Sarah poked her head into the cockpit, and Ace looked up from his talking with Lister.

"Be right back, Skipper," he said in Ace's voice. They rounded a corner, and Sarah put her hands on her hips.

"When exactly did you go and die on me?"

"How--how did you find that out?" Ace looked worried, for the first time in quite a while. "I can explain..."

"Go right ahead. I would _love_ to hear this one." Sarah's train of thought was cut off by a blast that rocked the ship. Her anger forgotten, she and Ace exchanged a glance and rushed toward the drive room. "What was that?" She asked, grabbing Lister's shoulder. He punched a few buttons on the console.

"I can't really tell. From what Holly says, it appears to be a battle class cruiser headed in our direction."

"Headed? It sounds like it's already found us!" She slid into the left chair and tapped at the control panel. "No weapons on the ship?"

"Not as such, Sarah me girl. This was a mining ship, intended for..." Ace's words were cut off by another blast, and Kryten and the Cat ran into the room.

"What is it, sirs?" Kryten asked, his vacuum attachment in hand. Sarah's eyes widened as she saw it, and she turned to ask Lister what it was. She didn't get a chance to say it, however, and Holly popped back up on the screen.

"I've done a scan, and I'm afraid I have to tell you it's simulants." 

"Simulants?" Sarah asked, and Lister nodded.

"We'll explain later. We have to get to the 'Bug!" He jumped up, and the crew followed him. Ace grabbed his arm.

"Hold it, Skipper! We can't have Starbug damaged, let me take the jump ship and take care of them!" He motioned toward the bay, and Lister shook his head.

"We've upgraded Starbug with laser cannons and a few other nasty little surprises for them! There's no need to risk your jump ship, man." He continued on his way toward the bay, and Ace shook his head. 

"I insist. It's been so long since I fought against a real enemy, there's no way I could possibly allow you boys to risk the 'Bug."

"Can we be heroic later?" Kochanski asked, hurrying past them. "I know it must be a very touching moment and all, but can we please just get in a ship?"

"Lock lasers! Fire!" Kryten yelled, and a bolt of energy flew from Starbug's cannon and slammed into the simulants' ship. A message appeared on the screen.

"We were unaware you had such potential as sport! You will..." He was interrupted as Lister cut off the transmission.

"Shut down all channels of communication," he said to Kochanski, who started tapping at a keyboard on her console.

"Channels down."

"Good. Lock lasers!" He continued to tap away, and Sarah looked out the viewscreen. The cruiser was three times their size, and Ace was busy examining the scanner room. In all her travel, she had never encountered anything like it, and her eyes were transfixed on it. The crew continued to shout orders at one another, and Sarah turned as there were scuffling sounds in the scanner room. A laser bolt flew through the door, narrowly missing the Cat's head, and Sarah jumped up, whipping her gun from its holster under her flight suit. She hurried into the scanner room with Kryten on her tail, carrying a bazookoid.

A simulant had managed to avoid the communications block by beaming onto their ship, and was scuffling with Ace. Kryten ducked behind one of the consoles as Sarah fired what looked like a plasma beam at the simulant. It dodged and shot back at her, but she managed to drop and roll out of its way under the console. She looked over at Kryten.

"I don't think we've been formally introduced," she said, quite breathlessly. "I'm Sarah Morgan. You?"

"Kryten. Pleasure to meet you." He shook his head. "That simulant materialized in our scanner room, right behind our backs! If Mr. Ace had been in the cockpit with the rest of us, we might have never known what hit us!" He looked over at Sarah. "What a guy!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Sarah crawled out from her hiding place and fired another few shots at the simulant, who dodged. She slid back under the console before he had another chance to fire, and Kryten looked at her weapon as he fired a round in the direction of the flustered simulant.

"What kind of weapon is that?"

"Plasma hand cannon. Surreptitiously placed in the guise of an ordinary Smith and Wesson .45, so as not to spook anyone not used to such firepower." She grinned. "It was a birthday present from Ace."

Kochanski heard the sounds of fighting from the cockpit and came running in, just in time to see the simulant fire a round at the console, where Sarah was crouched. Being unarmed, Kochanski ducked under the scanner table, Rimmer's hiding place of choice.

"Kristine! Get out!" Sarah yelled, poking her head out from under the console. She hid again, just in time to see a laser bolt fly past her head. Kochanski shook her head obstinantly, searching for a weapon.

"I can't leave you like this!"

"Why the Hell not? One!" Sarah jumped out of her trench and rolled into a crouch, bracing her plasma cannon on her arm and firing off three rounds as Ace moved out of the way. Miraculously, one winged the simulant, and he snatched at his arm, giving Ace the opportunity to punch him in the face. Reeling from the double whammy, the simulant backed up two steps, and Sarah rolled under the scanner table to where Kochanski was kneeling.

"That was great, Sarah!" Kochanski shook her head. "I've never seen shooting like that up close!"

"When I yell one, Ace moves, I shoot to wound, and he lays the guy out. It's a great system. But it involves me having a steady hand, which involves me bracing the gun on my arm, which takes up 3.42 seconds. That's the drawback." She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, and looked at Kochanski.

"Well if that's the only drawback..." Kochanski's words were cut off as the simulant grabbed her and dragged her out into the open. It held a weapon to her cheek, and Sarah wasted no time in running from her position under the table and skidding across the floor, her weapon drawn.

"Let her go, genetic waste."

"Not a chance, tiny human." The simulant laughed. "Your kind are vermin, unevolved primates struggling not to go insane on that ship. Just to do away with this one will make the universe a much more inhabitable place."

"Yeah, and blowing a hole right through that thick forehead of yours would make the scanner room a much messier place, but what the Hell. I'll give you to three to let her go. One..." Sarah gripped her gun with both hands, and the simulant laughed as he began to beam back to his ship. "Three!" She started to squeeze the trigger, and Ace stepped into the beaming field. "Ace! What are you doing?"

"Don't worry! I'll bring her back in two shakes!" He started to fade out. "Smoke me a kipper..." He disappeared with Kochanski and the simulant, and Sarah lowered her gun angrily.

"Damn you, Ace!" Sarah threw her plasma cannon across the room forcefully and stalked into the cockpit. As she was going in, Lister was coming out.

"What happened? Where's Kris?"

"Simulant grabbed her and beamed out." She saw the look on Lister's face and shook her head. "Ace went in after her, though."

"What a guy!"

"Save it," Sarah said, watching the simulant ship begin its departure into space. "We have to get back to the ship so I can get in there and bring them back."

"Bring them back? No offense, but I don't think Ace needs rescuing from you," The Cat said, grinning, and Sarah raised an eyebrow at him.

"He does when he forgets that his jump ship is still in Red Dwarf's cargo bay."

"Ah."

~IV~

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" Lister asked as Sarah climbed into the cockpit of the jump ship. "Did he really show you how to fly it?"

"Sort of. But how hard can it really be?" She closed the canopy, and flipped a few switches she'd seen Ace flip before, then pulled a lever. The jump ship's engines started, and Sarah gave Lister the thumbs up through the monitor. "Smoke me a kipper, I'll---*uff*!" Sarah coughed as she realized the ship's cockpit was filling with smoke. She pushed another button, and the ship took off. Backwards. Lister's face came over the monitor as the jump ship bumped into the back wall of the cargo bay.

"Sure you don't want any help?"

In the meantime, Ace was busily cursing himself as he sat with Kochanski in a very small cell, and trying to figure out a way to escape from the simulants.

"How on earth did I manage to get myself captured?" He mumbled, halfway amazed. "I just don't understand..."

"I'll tell you how!" Kochanski was getting irritated, and she wriggled around in her manacles. "When that simulant captain shot at you, and you managed to dodge around it, you just _had_ to do the smoke me a kipper thing, didn't you? That only brought out every creature on the smegging ship!" She huffed, blowing a stray piece of hair out of her face. "And I can't even clear my hair from my face!"

"No worries, Krissie. I'll get us out of here before you can say Old Ironballs." He moved his hands around in the irons, while Kochanski leaned against the wall.

"Old Ironballs, old Ironballs, old Ironballs..."

"Quite a pedantic little lassie, are we?"

Lister and Sarah were preparing themselves to board the simulant ship, while the whole sordid affair was taking place in the cell.

"Okay, Dave. You've been on one of these ships before, so you lead the way and I'll cover your backside. Once we find the holding cells or whatever they use, you kick down the door while I distract the guards, then get Ace and Kristine off the ship." She picked up a larger weapon from the jump ship's cockpit and cocked it with a nod. She held out a hand to Lister, who slapped her 'five' and nodded. "Right. Let's get in there." 

They shuffled out the door in their space suits, and Lister looked around.

"You must really care about Ace to rescue him like this." He grinned, and Sarah gave him an odd look.

"Care about him?"

"You must love him, then."

"Love?" She shrugged. "The topic hasn't ever really come up in conversation, actually." There was a sound from down the hallway, and Sarah braced her weapon against her forearm. "He saved my life. I'm not about to leave him behind for these weirdos to play with."

"But didn't he say you two...erm...you know..." Lister was very uncomfortable saying the words, and Sarah laughed softly.

"Yeah, so? Like a girl like me would mean anything to a guy like Ace." She checked her blind spots before motioning for Lister to walk ahead of her.

"Well, you have to mean _something_ for him to bring you along like this. I mean, he's always prided himself on working alone." Lister took a few steps ahead, and Sarah looked at him as she covered her back.

"Dave, how do you know so much about Ace? Is he really de---" Her words were cut off as a simulant appeared out of nowhere. She pressed herself up against the wall, and fired a few rounds in his direction. "So much for the element of surprise." She whipped something that resembled a tube of chapstick out of her pocket and bit the end off of it before grabbing Lister's arm and dragging him down the hall. "Let's try and get back a little of that element. Plan B."

"Plan B?" Lister asked, coughing. "I didn't even know we had a Plan A."

"Well, Plan B is exactly like plan A, save one detail." Sarah checked her pockets for her extra ammunition, and handed Lister the larger plasma cannon. He looked at it.

"If I'm holding this, what're you going to be holding?" Lister asked as he inspected the weapon. He heard the click of a weapon being cocked, and looked up to see Sarah holding a small plasma cannon in each hand. She grinned at Lister.

"Ever seen Reservoir Dogs?" She nodded toward the hallway. "They'll be waiting for us down the hall, even through the smoke bomb. Be prepared to fight, but shoot to wound. Got it, Dave?"

"Just one question."

"Shoot."

"Why'm I going first again?"

Kochanski managed to stand up as she heard yelling from down the hall. She wriggled over to the doorway and looked out the bars.

"Ace! Do you hear that? That screaming, I mean!" She grinned. "That sounds just like Dave!"

"Yes, I'd recognize Skipper's terrified screaming anywhere." He managed to stand. "Davey boy! We're down at this end!" Almost as if on cue, Lister came pelting down the hallway, firing behind him at anything that moved. Sarah scurried along behind him, making sure she covered his blind spots. Lister ran over to the door of the cell and tugged at the door handle.

"It's locked!" He yelled back at Sarah, who shook her head.

"Of course it is, Dave, what'd you think they were going to invite us in?" She turned and fired a blast at the lock, sending sparks flying into the hall. There was a flash of red under her jacket that didn't really register in Ace's mind until her flight jacket had already fallen in place to cover it up. The door swung open, and Lister ran in to undo Kochanski and Ace's bonds. They ran into the hall to see Sarah crouched in wait around the corner of the stairway. She nodded toward the air ducts. "Dave, did you contact Holly and the ship?"

"Yeah! I gave her the coordinates you told me."

"The ship'll be waiting outside the vent. I'll catch up with you in a minute!" She backed up a few paces as she heard footsteps tramping down the stairs. As the simulant appeared around the corner, she started blasting at him. Bolts of laser fire surrounded her, and Ace looked back at her as Lister and Kochanski climbed up into the duct.

"Sarah, come on!"

"Go on without me, I'll catch up!" She motioned for him to go, then whipped out her other gun and started firing with both hands. As the blasts caught the simulant directly in the chest, she could hear others coming down the hall. She looked back to see Ace climbing out of the vent. "GO! NOW!" Ace pulled the vent shut behind him as three other simulants came down the stairs, armed. Sarah looked around, then took a deep breath and ran straight up the stairs, into the arms of fear. She knew where she was going as she raced at the simulants. She had to get to the engine room. The creatures were surprised as she stormed toward them, weapons firing, and as they fumbled for their own guns, she was past them and down the hall toward the engine room.

"What's she doing?" Kochanski asked as they boarded Starbug. The jump ship had been left behind in lieu of a vehicle Lister could pilot, and the 'Bug was waiting for them, attached directly to an air lock. Lister punched several buttons on the control panel, and looked up nervously.

"She's headed toward the engine room, man. Said she was gonna blow up the fuel tanks." He brought the bug around, and Ace grabbed his shoulder.

"Hold your horses there, Skipper! Fuel tanks?"

Sarah made it into the engine room relatively safely, and did a quick once-over of the contents. She could find everything but the fuel tanks, it seemed. There were footsteps coming down the hall, and she knew she had to hurry. Taking a wild guess, she tossed a gunpowder-filled cylinder next to the tank and ran up the stairs to the rear air tube. The simulants burst into the engine room, feeling triumphant as she gave them her best 'I'm trapped' look. They advanced on her, and Sarah perked up her ears. Starbug should have been humming its way up to the tube by that time. But it wasn't. The simulants advanced, and Sarah took a deep breath as she pulled her helmet over her head and leveled her gun at the advancing simulants.

"To hell with the kippers. This baby's smoking the farm!" She jerked the gun away from her target and blasted the gunpowder bomb. Everything after that happened in slow motion to Sarah's eyes. 

There was a flash of light that caused her to turn her face away from the looks of terror on the faces of the simulant. One flash led to another and another until they all seemed to melt together into one huge supernova. The simulants dove for cover, but there was none to be found. As they fell to the ground, their guns fell slowly to the ground next to them, and Sarah heard a faraway popping sound, then felt a stab of pain in her shoulder that seemed somehow unrelated. She reached up very slowly to touch her shoulder, but her fingers came away red. As she saw her own blood shining on her fingers, time caught up with itself in a white hot flash of light and an earshattering blast. She felt her legs go out from under her, felt her cheek slam onto the cold metal of the floor. Then nothing.

~V~

The only thing she could hear was crying. It seemed like it was everywhere in the blackness that surrounded her, and she couldn't escape from it. Suddenly, there was an odd rising sensation, and below her, Sarah could see her body, lying motionless on a table. 

...But if I'm there, what am I doing...here?... she wondered. A flash of bright light surrounded her, and Sarah looked up to see Melissa, reaching her little hands to her from within the bright light. Hot tears filled Sarah's eyes, as she realized what had happened. ...I must not have made it out of the ship in time... From somewhere in the depth of brightest night, a mist rolled in, punctuated by what looked like petals from a cherry tree blowing by. It was quiet, suddenly, deafeningly quiet. Once again, her eyes fixed on Melissa's face, and the child grinned at her.

...Sarah,... she said, reaching out to her aunt. Sarah reached up as well, wanting to take the child's hand. But as she did, a voice spoke behind her.

"How is she? Will she be okay?" 

Sarah turned to see Ace, standing over her body. She figured that she was probably in the medical bay on Red Dwarf, seeing as how Kryten was there, as well as the rest of the crew.

"I'm sorry, sir. I tried everything. If you had come out of the ship but a few moments earlier..." He shook his head, and Ace knelt by the bed in the medical bay. He took Sarah's body's hand as the others looked at one another and quietly shuffled out of the room. Above him, Sarah hugged herself tightly. It was beyond weird to see him touching her, but to be unable to feel it. To her surprise, Ace reached up and pulled off his hair. Sarah gasped, but it only took her moments to realize that it was a wig. Underneath was a slightly rumpled mess of curly reddish-brownish hair, which Ace ran his fingers through, in a vain attempt to straighten it. When he spoke, his voice was different than she was accustomed to. Not quite as deep, nor confident.

"This is all my fault. If I hadn't brought you here, you wouldn't be...I'm so sorry, Sarah." He reached up and touched her cheek. "If I had only gotten into that tube a moment sooner." 

...Ace... Sarah reached toward him, but her hand moved through his face. She pulled back, her chest aching. 

"God, I wish I could have told you how I felt. Now it's too late." He shook his head, and Sarah took notice.

...How you felt?... She turned away from the brightness, and hovered over Ace's head for a moment before settling next to him. ...What do you mean?... He didn't say anything else, and Sarah shook her head in frustration. She looked over at Ace as she let go and began to drift upwards again. ...I guess this is goodbye, Ace. We had fun together, didn't we? I'll miss you... She looked back one last time, and saw a tear running down his cheek. There was an unbearable pain in her chest, and she heard a voice above her.

...Time to go, Sarah...

She looked up to see Melissa reaching out to her, inviting her to step away from the pain of the world, and of space and jumping from dimension to dimension. And she would have done, had she not turned around a final time to see Ace sitting with her, still holding her hand. Turning away from the comfort of the bright light, and of Melissa's tiny hands, she moved very slowly toward her body.

...I'm sorry, Missy. There's nothing I want more than to be with you. But you're happy now. I have to get back to Ace now. He needs me. He may not know it just yet, but he needs me... Sarah closed her eyes as she moved away from the light, and hovered just above her body for a second before taking what could be classified as a breath, and diving back into the motionless frame. ...I really hope this works...

Ace kissed Sarah's hand one final time, then gently squeezed it. He supposed it was time to go. As he stood to leave, he had a brief feeling of sadness that no one had ever had a chance to mourn for him. The pain of letting go of her hand overwhelmed him, and Ace couldn't stand it. He reached down and grabbed it again.

"I can't stand this! I wish I could bring you back, God I wish I could. I'm so sorry, Sarah, I'm so sorry." 

"That's okay, I forgive you." Sarah squeezed his hand tightly.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

Many explanations later, they sat quietly in the medical bay. Sarah cleared her throat very softly as she looked up at him.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"And how was I supposed to do that? Tell you 'oh, yes and by the way I'm dead' right when we're in the middle of..." He suddenly looked uncomfortable, and Sarah laughed, a clear sound that caused Ace to exhale in relief.

"I see your point. But you could have told me after that. Or before." She looked at him with what she hoped came across as a Stern Look.

"Truth be told, I didn't really want to tell you, Sarah. I was afraid that if I told you that I was really dead, and that I wasn't the handsome, cool Ace Rimmer you thought I was, that I'm really just a guy named Arnold Rimmer who had less friends than one of Lister's socks, and whose charisma could fit on his pinky finger, you'd leave." He looked around the room, and there was a long pause before Sarah ran her fingers through his hair.

"I like it short." Her voice broke the silence, and Ace looked up at her.

"You aren't mad?"

"How can I be mad at you, Arn?" Her voice was soft, and Rimmer's heart sped up as he realized she hadn't said Ace. 

"You're actually not mad that I'm not the man you thought I was?" He stood up, and Sarah shook her head.

"You don't get it, do you? It was always _you_. _You_ who saved my life, _you_ who brought me here to the ship, _you_ on the countertop and on the refrigerator and in the chaise longue and in the cockpit of the jump ship. It was _you_ that I fell in---" Sarah stopped abruptly. "I er...that is to say, um..." It wasn't like her to be so nervous, and Rimmer smiled broadly, a smile of pure happiness that he had only learned when he had become Ace.

"I understand." He slipped a hand under her chin. "And I feel the same way. Ever since you slapped me..." His face moved slowly closer to hers, and Sarah grinned.

"What makes you think I'm not about to slap you right now?"  
"Intuition." He kissed her. It was a magnificent kiss, full of the lightning and sparks that one hears about in trashy novels. She didn't slap him.

The entire crew stood in the drive room as Rimmer and Sarah started out the door to their ship. He had neglected to put his wig back on, and firmly refused to do so until they got to a place where anyone would recognize him.

"Do you really have to go so soon?" Lister asked, sounding almost sad about the whole thing. Rimmer nodded.

"Fraid so, Listy. We have to get back to saving the universe. But we'll come visit again sometime." He smiled over at Sarah, who nodded.

"Of course we will! I'd love to have a chance to talk to Kristine again, and maybe take a longer look around the ship. Hopefully we won't have to be sidetracked by all those silly little things we had to deal with this time."

"Silly little things?" The Cat looked at her like he should be getting out the butterfly nets. "You call blowing up a ship and dying silly things?"

"When you're in our line of work, you have to." She raised an eyebrow and gave the crew a grin that was frighteningly similar to Ace's. "See you, guys." She motioned toward the airlock, and Rimmer followed her. He paused for a moment by Lister, and they shook hands.

"Bye, Listy."

"See you, Ace." He grinned halfheartedly as the two pulled on their helmets and walked out into the cargo bay. They climbed into the cockpit and pulled down the canopy. The rear engines started with a mighty roar and a burst of smoke, and the two figures in the cockpit gave the crew, who were watching from the monitor, a thumbs up.

"Smoke me a kipper..."

"...We'll be back for breakfast!" Sarah waved. "Bye, Dave! Bye, Kris!" She sat back in her seat as the engines roared to life, then sputtered and died.

"What the Hell...?" Rimmer looked around, then shook his head as he looked at the panel. "This readout has to be wrong. It says the rear engine is broken, but we haven't hit anything that could have damaged it. We would have had to have backed into something pretty hard to have damaged this baby!"

A memory flashed into Sarah's mind. One of her accidentally slamming backwards into the wall of the cargo bay. She looked over at Rimmer.

"Erm..." Sarah laughed nervously. "You know, it's funny you should say that..."

There was a whoosh as the doors of the airlock opened, and the Flying Kipper Twins walked back into the Drive Room. Lister looked at them.

"What happened, man? I thought you were goin'!"

"It looks like we'll be hanging around here for a while," Rimmer said with a smile. "At least until we can fix the rear engine."

"Well, at least we can count on the fact that life will never be boring," Kochanski said, leaning on the console. Kryten looked at her dubiously.

"And when has it ever been boring?"

"This is true." Kochanski nodded. "Just one question, 'Ace,'" She folded her arms purposefully. "What is your obsession with kippers?"

"Leave the kippers alone," Sarah said rolling her eyes. "I'm sick of them."

"I want to know!"

"Don't make me shoot you."

"Nope, never boring," Kryten mused, as he plugged in his vacuum attachment and shuffled out of the drive room. "Not in this lifetime."

~Finito~

(for now...)

Ace In The Hole

A Red Dwarf FanFic By

Natalie Smothers


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